Is My Vulva (or Penis) Normal?

Photo credit:  ChimayosaART

Hello My Darlings!

Vulvas are like flowers. And they, like people and our bodies in general, come in different sizes, shapes and colors. They also have their own unique scent. And, like flowers and people and bodies and penises, all vulvas are beautiful. It sometimes takes a lifetime to truly believe this very simple fact - our uniqueness is a source of beauty, not shame. 

I’m feeling the need to shout this from the rooftops, much to the acute embarrassment of my family and in particular my 17 year old son (poor kid!), because

Labiaplasty is the fastest growing cosmetic surgery in the world.

The world! And because genital shame is a particularly insidious form of body shame. And because the female labia contain one of the highest density of nerves, pleasurable nerves known as erectile tissue, in the body. ALL VULVAS ARE BEAUTIFUL. Yes, even yours! Or your wife’s, your girlfriend’s, your daughter’s, your friend’s. If you’re saying “um…labia what?” and thinking this is not important or worthy of your time, think again. Labiaplasty is cosmetic surgery to alter the size of the labia minora, the inner folds of the vulva. Labiaplasties are typically not medically necessary, and are performed for cosmetic purposes; in other words, to make our “lady bits” look pretty. Look pretty! This plastic surgery does not improve sexual health or well being, but actually the opposite. It decreases our ability to feel pleasure. It permanently limits us. It is, in fact, an elected form of genital mutilation that is growing in popularity. Girls as young as 9 years old are seeing surgeons, believing their vulvas are ugly and a source of shame. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, there was a 39% increase in labiaplasty surgeries in 2016, equating to more than 12,000 procedures in the US alone. 

Many of us have wondered, is my vulva or penis normal?

And for the vast majority of us, the answer is an emphatic and enthusiastic YES, you’re normal. Because normal includes a lot of variation. Wondering where to see this? See the many resources listed at the end of this article!

Most girls and women don’t see many vulvas.

And the ones we do see, in internet porn perhaps, all look the same. They are often completely shaved, exposed, and tight with small labia - clamshell-like. When we don’t see the diversity and the beauty of vulvas, we start to think that our own dangling and protruding inner labia minora (which aren't really inner or minor at all), or our asymmetrical lips with one significantly longer than the other, or our dark brown or purple colored labia instead of light peach or pink, is abnormal. Ugly. Or at least, not pretty. So every one of us needs to know ALL VULVAS ARE BEAUTIFUL. All colors, all sizes - with big dangling inner labia and with flap-like wide wings, long and wrinkly, wobbly, asymmetrical, with and without hair; the variations in vulvas are enormous. And, at least according to the numerous men I’ve surveyed, HOT! In fact, larger labia and clitorises are fun for a partner to lick and suck!

When we don’t look how we think we should, or how others look, or even how we think others look, we can feel like we’re on the outside, strange, somehow less than. 

So we turn to the internet, we look to social media. We hear about labiaplasty and how easy it is. Just take a knife to your protruding, discolored, too long, dangling, buffalo-sized labia. It’s quick and relatively painless the surgeon might say. It increased my self-confidence, the shiny woman on the pamphlet in the doctor’s office might say. Oh, this makes me so angry! 

But most of us have no idea how huge the erectile network is!

That our erectile network includes the labia minora! That this piece we are about to finally rid ourselves of is not only a source of our beauty, but also our sexual pleasure, our feminine wisdom and our power! That our vulvas or penises are ourselves; not just a tool or an instrument for pleasure, but a spiritual part of our bodies and ourselves capable of connecting us to the divine, the goodness, the health and wellness we all deserve. 

Part of this is my own story.

I’ve been insecure about my body, I’ve battled and continue to battle body shame of the deepest sort - but I also know that pleasure, sexual pleasure, is our birthright. A basic human need. And it makes me sad and angry to see the lengths people will go to fit in, when our very difference is what makes us beautiful. ALL VULVAS, ALL PENISES, ALL BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL. We cannot be silent on issues that threaten even one of us. 

Wishing you much joy,

Amy

P.S. Actually, most of us aren’t even saying vulva.

We might be saying vagina, pussy, snatch, muff, beaver, twat, squeeze box, vajayjay, or any number of various popular and often pejorative words for this sacred and powerful part of ourselves. But vagina comes from the latin word meaning sheath or scabbard, like for a sword (or penis!). This completely ignores the rest of our female anatomy, including our primary sex organ, the clitoris. It emphasizes penis-in-vagina sex, contributing to not just genital shame and misunderstanding, but difficulty reaching orgasm and embracing pleasure for far too many. So please, resist this verbal mutilation and use a word that embraces all of our sexuality. Vulva includes both our internal and external genital anatomy, including the vaginal canal, the labia, the all important and incredible clitoris, and the mons pubis. 

Sources to check out:

http://www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/home  - yes, it’s as incredible as it sounds! And locally, we have our own version, The Vulva Art Project debuting on 2/24 at the Ace Hotel. Congrats to local photographer, Arkady Brown! https://www.facebook.com/thevulvaartproject/ 

https://www.thevulvagallery.com/ - illustrations show the wide variety of vulvas

http://www.labialibrary.org.au/ - photo gallery showing diversity of vulvas

http://www.showoffbooks.com/ - this book has 120 photos of 60 women along with their stories

https://topdocumentaryfilms.com/perfect-vagina/ - 1 hour long movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyoX4EiXOHk - video from Dr Lindsey Doe on penis size. Dr Doe has TONS of videos in a series called Sexplanations. She ROCKS!